I finally slept…
but, my Oura ring tells me that my body is showing mild symptoms of strain…and I feel it. It’s probably been about a month and a half since I slept really well, on my own without needing a sleep aid.
My body tells my Oura ring (and me) far before I may feel anything manifest in my body but this time, I feel it. My eyes burn, I’m lethargic, my body and joints ache and without being able to pinpoint any one thing that may be “wrong”, I take a day to just sit still and to rest.
I did that yesterday, so why do I still feel like shizah today?
I took a break, a pause from seemingly everything over December. I had beautifully manifested “I don’t want to start anything new in December”, and that was at a soul level so the Universe perfectly delivered. No new clients, no new business, no Magic School, notta. I had asked for the break, so when it came and I felt disappointment, it was like really? Why u mad? U asked for this? Ah, right, thanks.
I had been feeling like I was running myself into the ground, talking to myself, no one was interested etc etc, on and on. So of course when that begins to be a narrative I believed, it was time to hit pause. I wouldn’t say that every part of my being got that memo (read the part that was disappointed that “nothing” was coming in”).
I keep seeing this meme about how nature literally doesn’t grow during the winter, it rests and sits still. Well, we are nature, so why must we move and have physical evidence every single day?
Well, because it’s the only thing we were taught, the only way that we were taught “safety” and “stability”.
Here’s the thing about creating what you want and what you don’t want…you can’t fib on the soul level so take my example above for instance…
In my human 3D, I was bummed because “nothing” was happening…but in my soul, Universe delivered what I had been wanting/needing/saying aloud which was the actual truth so that’s what I got.
Want something? Great. Have goals? Excellent. Working toward your next? Perfect.
And…
If one of those above is not actually what your soul is desiring and it’s an artificial or broadbrush ask then it may not be quite what you asked for.
What I didn’t necessarily realize at the time is that my soul was requesting a true rest. What my ego heard was that we were still going to be actively recruiting all month while not being attached to anything. Well, that didn’t match up, did it? Further, when ego is at the helm, there’s going to be attachment no matter what, which is where the disappointment came from.
So here I am on 1/7, my soul doesn’t necessarily feel rested nor does my body and furthermore my biometrics are showing it as well (they have been sporadically). So what will it take?
This.
Awareness, reflection, discernment of how I showed up over the past month and also knowing that the “new” year hasn’t begun yet. I vibe with the more eastern view of the calendar so January is still in the gobbity gook of 2025, for me anyway.
So, now I will honor what my soul had actually asked for and I will sit still in January. I will fulfill commitments I already have, but besides that, I will allow for the remainder of 2025 to shed, not feel great, and to sit with what I’m actually calling in.
That gets to be an actual flow of how I want to show up over the next 13 years (2025 was/is the end of a 9 year cycle, starting a new one). January gets to be slow, January gets to be quiet, January gets to be feeling.
Net net…I finally slept, and I am still exhausted. In my “let ‘em” vibe, including toward myself. I’ll let my body feel exhausted while I meet her where she is.
It’s all valid, and understanding that when we force, we are also creating…we’re creating more of what we may not want, more of the old paradigm.
No thank you, put it down.
Not vibing with January or the new year? Wondering why? Let’s talk - https://calendly.com/amyp-8/30min
Coach Amy